CH: hope this is alright, but i thought i might send another guitar recording for you
CH: im not playing any real song again but i guess thats not really the point, i thought its just pleasant sounds
CH: [question_mark_late_nate_improv_1.m4a]
TR: Oh.
TR: This is longer.
CH: i hope thats alright? i meant to record something much shorter but i got kind of carried away
TR: No. It's fine.
TR: It's different.
TR: I think. The other one. It has too many different sounds.
TR: This is better.
TR: It sounds like. I don't know.
TR: Everything I think of sounds fucking stupid.
CH: whatever you say, i can promise you i wont think its stupid
TR: I've told you too fucking much. You're not even the same. I don't know what's wrong with me.
TR: It sounds like.
TR: Most days when I went to sleep. I didn't know. God dammit. Maybe that night would be the night an earthquake hit. And the whole junkyard would shift. And it would crush me, and I couldn't do shit. Or anything else. Hungry people decided junkyard wasn't off limits anymore. Anything. If I got found I'd be trapped. My place wasn't really defensible. Traps, sure, but.
TR: Still fucking talking.
TR: If I was still awake I could talk to him because he was usually awake too.
TR: Doesn't matter.
TR: I was hungry a lot. At night.
TR: This doesn't sound like hunger.
CH: im sorry that i didnt remember you
TR: It's not like you can do anything about it.
CH: i dont even know if i should be apologizing for this but.
CH: yeah well
CH: i still really am sorry
TR: Maybe you aren't the same. Maybe you just. Know things. Maybe you don't have to be.
TR: Are you happy?
TR: Living.
TR: Where you are. Do you hurt. Did you.
CH: i dont know if im happy
CH: i mean
CH: it was really hard to be alive for a while, yeah. not like what youve told me, but still hard
CH: i dont know. im still kind of lost
CH: but im alright for the most part, i think
CH: im still figuring it out i guess
TR: Well.
TR: If he becomes you. I guess. I just. If. God fucking dammit.
TR: If you're okay. Even if you don't remember. It's good enough.
TR: I wanted everyone to be free. Even the monsters. Maybe they wouldn't have been if they weren't there. Maybe some of them still needed to die. Wasn't up to me.
TR: I can still try. I'm bad at stopping.
CH: can still try what?
TR: To be good.
CH: thats good. you should
CH: i know it doesnt really matter what i think but that other little cole should be proud of you
TR: Maybe.
TR: You still don't know anything.
TR: I don't know if anyone should be.
CH: i know i would be
TR: I don't even know what I'm going to have to do for this fucking game next.
TR: I got by in Fiddler without killing anyone. I don't have a number now. I don't know it.
TR: Strong. Might be. But I'm not fucking proud of myself.
CH: i think as long as you try, thats good enough
CH: what do you mean by number?
TR: The number of people I've killed.
TR: Or the ones whose deaths are on my head.
CH: did you want it?
CH: i mean. for it to happen?
TR: I don't want any of this to be fucking happening.
CH: i wasnt implying you do
CH: i dont want this to be happening either
CH: i dont think any of this is your fault
TR: I don't fucking know. If I didn't have to, I wouldn't be here. I don't want to hurt people. But I'm really fucking good at it. And it doesn't hurt me.
TR: So I'm not going to stop. As long as I need to.
TR: Better to be proud of someone else.
CH: do you want to stop?
TR: It doesn't matter.
TR: This doesn't matter. Not about me.
TR: I'm just fucking.
TR: I liked it. The guitar.
CH: im really glad you did
CH: i dont mind if we talk about you too, by the way
CH: but i wont pressure you
TR: I don't want to talk about me.
CH: thats alright
TR: But the music was good.
TR: I want more of it. I think.
CH: im glad
CH: i could find you some more songs if youd like?
TR: I don't know. Maybe.
TR: You should play more.
CH: i will then
CH: maybe at some point i should play an actual song haha
TR: Maybe.
TR: That would be. It's good. The guitar is good.
CH: im really glad you think so
CH: :)
TR: How do you just make that shit up.
TR: There are too many parts.
CH: im not that good at music theory but i guess its a matter of knowing what chords sound good together
CH: chords being collections of different notes
TR: So you just put chords in order.
CH: i guess you could say so
CH: i mean, there usually is more to it than just that
CH: but you could say so
TR: Ok.
TR: Tell me something else.
TR: New.
CH: im not really sure what you want me to tell you
CH: i could tell you about my pets?
TR: What. Like the fucking mongoose.
CH: well i dont have a mongoose
CH: i have two ferrets
TR: What do they look like.
TR: Do they have sharp teeth.
CH: well yeah
CH: i mean, they dont bite me
TR: Mmmmm.
TR: How big are they.
CH: not very big
CH: kind of like large rats
CH: maybe like a foot and half long? or 20 inches long
CH: i dont know why im describing ferrets to you in detail
TR: Do they eat hands.
CH: no?
TR: Or fingers.
CH: no, they dont eat fingers
CH: i feed them meat and kibble
TR: What the fuck is kibble.
TR: Is it fingers.
CH: its not fingers
TR: Rats fucking eat anything.
CH: its ground up ingredients that are shaped like little pellets
CH: well yeah, but ferrets arent rats
TR: What ingredients.
CH: meat and grains and other things, im not exactly sure
CH: various vegetables
TR: So you're saying it could be fingers.
CH: its probably chicken or some other animal meat
CH: i really doubt they put fingers in kibble
CH: unless its animal fingers
TR: Ok.
TR: So they wouldn't try to eat me. Any of me.
CH: no they really wouldnt
TR: Fine. What else about them.
CH: their names are georgie and david
CH: they keep me company when i work at home
CH: sometimes they sleep in my pockets
CH: anyways
CH: ive been told i should get a dog
CH: so ive been considering that as well
TR: Don't get the fucking big one.
CH: the big one?
CH: theres many kinds of dogs
TR: Finn has the fucking biggest dog I've ever fucking seen. It's not fucking normal. Don't get one of those.
CH: like how big are we talking?
TR: Taller than me.
CH: how tall are you?
TR: Taller than a lot of people.
CH: thats not very specific
CH: but i dont think dogs that tall even exist here
TR: Okay. Taller than fucking. A little bit shorter than my Cole.
CH: right i see
CH: yeah no, i wont be getting a dog that big
CH: whos finn?
TR: He's fucking. It doesn't matter. He's pale and smiles too much.
TR: No one.
TR: Don't think about him.
CH: okay i wont, im sorry
TR: No it's fine. He's. God dammit.
TR: We had to spend time together. I hated him and now I don't because he's fucking annoying. And he has a big fucking dog.
TR: He says stupid shit. All the time.